Hello! I have been horrendously absent for months now but feel like the first day of this new year is the perfect time to start blogging again.
New Year is usually a very tough time for me, I have battled with depression and anxiety for over 20 years and find the prospect of marking another year off the calendar has always been something that reminds me of where I want to be and where I am not. I am that pessimist who thinks that last year was rubbish and next year will be just as bad. What I have always struggled with the most is not having the thing I want more than anything, a family of my own, which makes this year a very different New Year. I spent NYE 2017 on my own reflecting on my first failed round of fertility treatment and thinking forward to 2018, I felt the need to be on my own as I looked into a year where I was hoping to be a mum on my own. I naively thought I would have a baby by this time but I don’t and that is ok. If either of my first two rounds had worked I wouldn’t be having the baby girl I am and she is who I am meant to have. 2018 was a pretty amazing year, a year like no other, a year where I got to be the pregnant one, where it was finally MY turn…but I have a distinct feeling that 2019 is going to be even better!!
The second half of 2018 was just as much as a whirlwind as the first half just in many different ways. I am going to share stories about my pregnancy so far but thought I would come back with a reintroduction.
I am embarking on motherhood on my own. Some would call me a single mum by choice, or a solo mum, I don’t know what my label is but I know I am going to be bringing up my baby without a father. I’m 32 weeks now with a baby girl who was conceived using donor sperm back in June. She is growing well and preparing for her arrival at the end of February. I’ve been lucky with my pregnancy so far as it has been relatively smooth sailing but I am now expanding to whale like proportions and due to my exisiting chronic pain conditions and SPD my mobility is getting limited…which gives me plenty of time to blog!
In 2019 not only do I hope to have a healthy baby girl and be the best mummy I can be to her but I also hope to find my blogging voice and to reach out to others who are considering going it alone or who are already on this journey. I’ve had so many people interested in what I am doing and mostly very positive and excited so I hope to share my journey with them too.